In a stunning character U-turn, David Beckham has reportedly transformed into a complete bastard within hours of receiving his knighthood from King Charles.
The former Manchester United star, now “Sir David,” ditched his goody-goody image the moment the title was his, unleashing a torrent of everyday pettiness that’s left everyone reeling.
The 50-year-old, who’d spent years polishing his halo with UNICEF gigs and that 13-hour Queen queue in 2022, turned nasty on the spot.
“He swaggered out of the ceremony like a Bond villain,” said one royal aide. “Left the palace loo in a state, nicked sweets off a pageboy, and snapped someone’s selfie stick clean in half. Then he cackled, ‘Bend it like Sir Beckham,’ and flounced off.”
By lunchtime, he was kicking a puppy outside Buckingham Palace, playing music loudly on the Tube with no earphones, and sneezing loudly without covering his mouth in a crowd.
At home, the co-owner of Inter Miami and Salford City ramped it up. He’s been leaving dirty socks on Victoria’s designer sofa, pilfering chocolate from Harper’s Easter stash, and hiding the batteries for the remote control. “He dumped dirty dishes in the sink for days, changed the WiFi password without telling anyone, and formally resigned from leaving the bins out—smirking the whole time,” a family friend groaned. Neighbors report him blasting music at dawn, flicking cigarette butts into their hedges, and parking his Bentley over their driveway, all while shouting, “Sir David’s kingdom!”
One barista in west London described a chilling encounter: “He barged in, cut the queue, ordered a triple macchiato, spilled it on someone’s Yeezys, and just said, ‘Knighted, innit.’ Then let the door slam on a granny.”
Even his football dealings have taken a turn. “There are whispers he’s planning to loan Messi to Salford City,” said a horrified source. “That’s the kind of evil you can’t walk back from.”
Experts warn the transformation may be permanent. The man who once smiled through UNICEF galas is now flipping the bird from a palace balcony.
“He’s gone full knighthood rogue,” said one shaken friend. “God help us all.”
